Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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