Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
