Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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