she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
