I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
