Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
