nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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