so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
