We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize