I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
