sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
That's intense
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
