Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
