I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize