Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
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