I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
