i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Randomize
