Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize