The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
