I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
