i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
