when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I need to calm my uterus...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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