I wanna bring you to show and tell
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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