You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize