you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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