hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Don't make out with my wife yet
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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