You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize