i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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