I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
