And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
