Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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