I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
