I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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