Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
