My nipple is on Facebook.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
you had me at cake vodka
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
