I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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