I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize