when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
