if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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