the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
