im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
