Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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