Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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