i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
