Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
