Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
