I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
