Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I checked into jail on foursquare
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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