I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
