I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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