i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize