we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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