So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
