So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Randomize
