But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
