I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
