got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Randomize
