I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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