new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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