He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
