if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
