I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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