im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
