Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
