Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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