I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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