You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We're using joints as your birthday candles
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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