end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
