oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
