watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize