i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
