Don't EVER smell your tampon
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
