dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
