I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
