I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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