were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
