We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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