I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
