she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
