I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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