my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just threw up on my dentist
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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