Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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