would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
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