just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
