Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize