bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
