Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
