i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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