I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I believe in your delicious
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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