My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
