you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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