We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
