he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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