I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
