One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Your penis caused this!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
