I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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