hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
