the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
