Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
