The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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