He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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