Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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