two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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