Cold hands, warm shart.
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I need water and some morals
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
