Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
