Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
