i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
