I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
