Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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