So drunk its hurt
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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