Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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