he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
